I mentioned on Twitter the other day that one of the main reasons I haven’t been posting here much is because I have to be vague about some of the most important things going on in my life right now. I hate being vague. I’m a straightforward person, and being vague sucks.
What I can say is that life has been a roller coaster of emotions over the past four months. Every day I feel different. There are days I feel scared and fear for my safety. There are days when I know I’m doing the right thing, that maybe it’s my destiny to be doing what I’m doing, the thing no one else has done. Some days I feel strong, some days I feel weak and some days my anxiety is way through the roof. I’ve never been so aware of every noise in my neighborhood — doors slamming, cars driving by, dogs barking.
At a recent Jaycees event, our outgoing president was presented with a serving tray with a saying on it that read something to the effect of, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” That message really resonated with me. I feel like it’s a lesson someone has been trying to teach me over and over again. I’m always going to have battles in my life — big, scary ones and smaller, more manageable ones — but I have to continue trying to live my life while fighting those battles. I can’t get tunnel vision, focusing just on the battle and forgetting everything else around me.
So I’m still living my life, one day at a time, and it’s a pretty good life, all things considered. My most recent crowning achievement was winning Crystal Lake Jaycees Rookie of the Year for 2011. It meant a lot to me to be recognized for the volunteer work I’ve done over the past year, and the cash award didn’t hurt either. 
Christmas was really nice, too. We spent Christmas Eve with some really dear friends, and the actual holiday was spent with my in-laws. Brian bought me a new guitar (!) and a Kindle, which I can’t seem to get enough of. Thank god our local library lends e-books, or my wallet would be in trouble.
Before I close, I’ve got something very important coming up on Friday morning and I could really use your strong thoughts and prayers between 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. that day.
Happy New Year to you all!
You got it. Give us an RSS feed that will throw an alert when it’s time for the strong thoughts. (I might even make them positive, but only for you.)
I’ll resist my natural tendency to quip “I don’t dance” in regard to that “dance in the rain” stuff.
If I really think about it, though, all of the good moments in the the “rain” so maybe, just maybe, you’re on to something there. I do know this: If I wait for the storm to pass, it’s gonna be a long wait. I’m beginning to fantasize about reincarnation because I think I need a do-over. With luck I’ll come back as a cat.
Glad to see you alive and kicking! I hope things go well for you. Hang in there. Remember these wise words taught to me by one of my wives: “They can kill you but they can’t eat you.” Somehow that offers great solace to me.
I’ll be there for ya, 10-11 my time. Hang in there!
“Every day I feel different. There are days I feel scared and fear for my safety”
Yikes! I’m sorry things have been so hard for you lately and hope they improve! But congrats on the award and try to continue to focus on the positives.:)
Belated Happy Holidays and New Years!
Fear for your safety? That doesn’t sound good.
Will be sending positive thoughts on Friday….although it sounds as if you need some right now too!
I hope whatever it is you’re dealing with, that things smooth out for you.
Congrats on the award!
Hang in there Kate! TV always helps.
Congrats on the award!
Your situation reminds me of when I was scared to come home because I thought our neighbors might hurt us. And I was afraid to leave Data in the home alone, as they might hurt him. They’ve been evicted.
Sorry you are going through this. You’re in my thoughts!
Will definitely be sending you positive thoughts this week. Hope all is well (or as well as possible)
I hope I’m not too late for the positive thoughts and prayers, Kate. I’ve been going through a few things too and it is hard. I’m with you, hon. Even if I am over on the other side of the planet.
That is brilliant about your volunteer work. So cool. You are awesome to do that.
My apologies for being so late to this party. I hope all went the way you wanted it to on Friday. I’ve known that feeling of hyper-vigilance myself. Congrats on your award! That’s very cool.